Monday, November 30, 2009

missed connections

I remember, a loooong time ago, an old boss of mine told me that sometimes people cross your path and you may not immediately understand why, but later on, down the road, you'll figure it out (and maybe appreciate it more! [or less]) I applied that logic to almost every person I've ever dated/friends with and realized it only counts towards those people still in my life.
I often wonder, though, what about The Potentials? Those people that have always sparked your curiousity, but never did anything about?
Take into consideration a dude I will call Mr. T( not because of the resemblance to the great actor, but because his last name is really friggin' long), I had a one night stand with the cutie ohhhhhh maybe 4 years ago (and, yes, it was fantastic). But along came ex-gf and fucked it allll up. My huge ego and innate sense of self-respect prevented me from continuing the budding romance and I took the moral high road of BTFU (Backing The Fuck Up) and denying any and all sexual involvement. I do, however, wish whatever was/could have happened was given a chance.
Then there's Mr. himself. The Ex That Will Never Go Away. I still want to get naked from time to time. I still wish I could have had more patience. But that's the love that never was. I still think he's hot.
And finally, Mr. R. He's married now to a woman he finds sub par. I had a few one nighters with him, as well (screaming included), and he just never left my memory. Nor I in his, either, apparently. He still wants me [around] and has told me multiple times. I do not condone sex with married people. I think its wrong in so many ways. Its not my friggin' fault you're unhappily married. But in his words,"You just up and left without a word. And it was time." Sorry, dear sir, the best I can do is buy you a beer.


My ex always brings up sex with me and how much we should do it one last time or something along those [cheesy] lines. The question is: do I or do I not? Unfortunately for every con (ex-bf) there is always a pro (sex with this ex is realllly fun). The list goes on (really cute but still ex-bf) and I realize I will forever be attracted to him (ex-bf!!!!) But what if its something I'm supposed to do and ignoring my destiny is somehow going to fuck shit up?! Does that just sound stupid? What if we were the last 2 people on earth, would I do him dirty (yes i would without a doubt.)? We were once fuck buddies way back when after we broke up, but I put a kibosh on that shit, mostly because I: didn't want to get involved emotionally/didn't know what-who-else he was doing(herpesyphigonalaids!!!)/was in a really depressive state of mind (couldn't make responsible decisions)/was really horny(again- can't make really responsible decisions). Buuuuuut, I'm young, I should be having fun slash doing whatever I want, right? Maybe it has something to do with him being an Aquarius and me being a Leo, and, if thats the case, then I can/should ignore it for the well-being of mankind (and my sanity).

Stupid brain

Does dependence take away from independence? If you consider yourself independent, does telling someone you love them suddenly make you less independent? Love makes you vulnerable, sad, lonely sometimes, but on the other hand, its soothing, reassuring, and exciting, even. Is it meant to be this confusing/difficult? If someone tells you,"I hope you can love me someday," does that mean that that person is sad that I don't love them already? Does that mean I am supposed to love that person? I need to stop letting my brain get in the way of my heart. Someone once told me to "just go with it" and then we broke up. Sooooo....Fuck! Why is this shit so difficult.

One's real life is often the life that one does not lead. oscar wilde.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

This isn't depressing or anything...

Not too much will run smoothly or go your way today in your relationships, but if you keep working toward a goal you will make some progress. A change at home will be beneficial to you and everyone around you. Stop being so hard on yourself and realize you are who you are and you're doing the best you can.

That was my horoscope for today. I am now nothing but optimistic.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

There's Just Something About You

So once upon a time I went on an accidental date. It was innocent, really, just 2 friends meeting up to de-stress over drinks. Then, somewhere around glass #5 it turned into an all out party where I ended up drinking in the back of a car drinking a bottle of vino performing as the sole member in my own dance party. Before midnight I was struck in the head by the gremlin of drunkeness and my friend started to look more pretty than usual. By three in the morning I was wearing my sweatpants and a shirt that seemingly appeared on my body and by 3:35 I was cruising around in dreamland.

The next morning I was kissed awake and, without hesitation, I kissed back. I would like to concur with Mr. Foxx and "blame it on the alcohol" but I think the thoughts of my friend being pretty seemed more viable in the A.M. than they were the previous evening. This went on in fits and spurts for almost an entire day, mostly because 1.) I was too hungover to move and 2.) We were having Extreme Napping competitions (and itall stopped abruptly once I puked). None of this is abnormal, obviously, I've heard of worse stories coming out of a night of drunken debauchery. It was what my friend said as my brain was giving birth to a migraine,"You're not even really my type...I don't know why...there's just something about you."

Hardly flattering, but hardly surprising, either.

Its funny to listent to guys talk about what they prefer in a female. I've heard it all, I think, ad nauseum. I can almost fill in the blanks before they even start speaking.

"I'm an ___ (boobs, ass, legs, teeth, vagina) man."
"I prefer ____ (blondes, brunettes, red heads, anything)."
"The chick has to be ____ (athletic, petite, curvy, fat) chicks."
"I like 'em ___ (tanned, light skin, dark skin)."
"I love ___ (asians girls, hispanic chicks, white girls, black girls)."
"She must be ___ (younger, older, much older) than me."
"I love it when they're ___ (easy, hard to get, promiscuous, fucking crazy, virginal, nuns)."

The lists are practically endless and I'm sure there are options that I don't want to know exist but in the end it all comes down to men generally just loving women.

I've never really categorized myself by any particulars, mostly because that's too time-consuming and not very fun (unless you're on or something and its a requirement). My favorite part is when someone is spouting off his/her preference in females none of it is ever applicable to moi but once they get to know me, all hats are off and I've heard (more than once),"You blew my world apart." and "You're the best I've ever had." and "There will only ever be one you." and "You're unforgettable."and "You're all I've ever wanted." and. and. and. And somehow I end up single with a scroll full of complaints in my hand and a John Deere letter in the other. If thats not confusing then I don't know what is.